Summertime, sadness and sorry I haven’t made any ceramics.
I need to talk about Ted.
TW: The start of this post is heavy with talk of pet loss. I completely understand if this is not for you right now (or ever). Take or leave whatever you need. The short version if this is not for you right now; I’m sad, my dog died, I’ve been taking a mental health break, my Etsy shop is still open, I’ll be creating again when it feels right.
Hello friends,
It’s been a minute few months. I have been absent for a season and in the UK it seems that so far, the summer has passed us by without making itself known. There has been a lot of ominous rain clouds, matching my mood.
I started the year with good intentions for writing newsletters often… Then I became consumed with the state of things (*waves arms in the general direction of Gaza / Politicians / the environment) and whilst I wasn’t looking, something big and sad came from nowhere and took my feet from under me.
My beloved dog and companion Ted had a sudden, short illness which required lots of extra care until we had to make the worst decision of our lives and let him go. It has been just over 10 weeks without him and I am still left with a sense of ‘wrongness’ at his absence.
I have had two dogs. The other is Brom - a worker cocker spaniel who is 12 and knows he is better than all of us. He was my first ever dog and used to be the best trained dog around. Now he is aloof at best. We have a sort of agreement that I will leave him alone and he can go about his business (sleeping mostly alone upstairs between snack times).
He just needs to run in some long grass every now and then, to swim in the river often and a constant supply of food / treats and he is happy able to tolerate this terrible life with us.
For now though, back to Ted as this is his minute in the spotlight. I want to tell you a little about him and our life together with the hope of gleaning some wisdom from his life with us and to celebrate the best friend I’ve ever had.
We got Ted at the very end of 2014 and he ruined all of our lives. Particularly Broms. From the moment we brought him home, we realised that there had been some mistake and that we should have chosen the one with the yellow wristband for a collar. What had we done? Everything was so perfect in our house before and this tiny little terror was an absolute nightmare for approximately 2 years. Ted was an extremely energetic dog, bordering on manic at times (we now know that was the springer in his “sproodle” breed).
When he didn’t know what to do with his energy, he destroyed things. He came to us in December and quickly learnt that he didn’t like the back garden with all of its terrors - wet grass, dark mornings and evenings, wind blowing bushes around, bugs. This meant he was an absolute pain to house train. He seemed completely unpredictable compared to Brom (who I used to say was like Mary Poppins - practically perfect in every way).
Then somehow, with stealth and magic, he wore us all down. We got to know him and realised that this little dog had character in abundance and he really just wanted to be there with us all, no matter what the circumstance.
We often talked about him being such an enigma. He was an incredible dog but was definitely a cat. He was small but could fill large spaces. He was liquid and could create a space to sit with you where there wasn’t one. He was an absolutely wild free spirit when he was out in fields but permanently tethered to me with an invisible string when we were at home. He didn’t like being away from home but he loved going in the car. He found a ball on almost every walk he ever went on, regardless of it he was at the beach, in the park or in a forest. He was terrified of life (flies, fireworks, wind, bin day, Border Collies, plastic bags caught in bushes) but he was also fearless. He was chaos and he was calm. He was a pocket Swiss army dog for every situation - in one of his last weeks of life he was a bog snorkelling spaniel in the fields channeling his best gun dog one day and an office dog with Tim the next.
He actually was Scrappy Doo. Lemme at ‘em. lemme at ‘em.
He infiltrated every minute of our lives. In the end I could predict everything he would do. I knew him better than I have ever known any other being. He was mine and I was his and even though you get a dog knowing with almost certainty that this is part of the deal, I was completely unprepared for his sudden absence. It is everywhere and I am lost.
So how to move forward? I’ve been trying to come up with some life lessons from Ted - here is what I have so far.
Be unpredictable, keep everyone guessing. Until their guesses are outrageous and wild and then do something really ‘normal’.
You don’t have to be defined by other peoples expectations of you. If you want to perch on a little cushion like a cat and lick your paws, nobody can stop you.
Get a haircut and you can be an entirely different person.
If you need someone, just give them a little tap on the shoulder. They might just need a reminder that you are there for them.
Things change. It is happening right now, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
It is possible to be both afraid and move forward with great energy (you can bark whilst doing this if you like - apparently it helps)
You can fill any space you need to. Don’t worry about your physical size - be big and believe in yourself.
It is good to have a passion (tennis balls).
You’ve got to look for the good things to find them (also tennis balls).
Never worry about being photogenic, it is far more important to have a good time and get lost in the moment.
Be your own kind of weirdo.
Be more Ted. ❤️
For now, I’m in my ugly crying era. It is also the season where I work my part time job at a plant nursery so most of my bandwidth is taken up by that. My Etsy shop is still open and I have a bunch of new things that I made in the spring and haven’t got round to photographing and getting onto my Etsy shop just yet but I will soon.
I’m hoping to get making again soon, probably just for the creativity of it as much as anything. But for now, thanks for reading and please tell me about your dogs.
Sending Sunshine (it is just behind the clouds)
Jess x
It was lovely to read about Ted xx
Dear Jess what a lovely testament to Ted boundless energy, so many memories and now Ted-isms of wisdom for us human folk xx really sorry for your loss xx it is a lovely share that feels like a big hug